The Truth Behind My Isolation

For those who know me already and those who don’t, I think you would all learn new scopes if you listen close.

I’m into music, literature (both writing and reading), philosophy (crazy past-time for a 16 year old I know) and mathematics. Spells nerd right? Or at least geek, the latter I find I relate to most. But at the same time, I don’t think I fit into either category. I am a divergent, one of a kind. Unique. All of my weirdness can probably be stemmed down into one major factor. My introverted personality. It’s not that I don’t like people, or that I don’t get along with them. I just prefer being in my own head.

Let me clear things up, I love methodical tasks, and activities like walking, running, or swinging (weirdly my all-time favorite thing) allow me time to think. My senses close off, reducing my awareness of the outside world, not completely, but enough for me to see something in front of me with my eyes open, or hear voices when I am listening to music. I love spending time in this state because it allows me to explore possibilities within my own mind, endless possibilities in a multitude of fantastic worlds, as real as reality. Without seeming cold or insensitive, why would I want to spend all my time with other high school students? Talking about teen dramas? When I could be exploring new worlds and embarking on grand quests with my favorite characters from books, movies and games? What people don’t realize, I don’t think, is that when I close myself off from reality, when I lock the doors of my senses and confine myself in my mind – my mind becomes reality, far more powerful than just a day-dream. It must be freaky to watch this, me, staring into an abyss, totally oblivious to what is going on, not that anyone would see. The only time I can do this is when I am alone, people are just a distraction.

I just had an epiphany. I must be Sherlock Holmes. I must be talking about my mind palace. Well, now that that is sorted I know this blog has already accomplished something.

Anyway, so I have never been quite interested in people, in fact, If for some reason I ended up not seeing or talking to anybody I know for a month or more, I probably wouldn’t care. I just am. The fact that my parents divorced before I can remember probably doesn’t help my inter-personality. Neither would the fact that both of my parents are introverts.

But just because I like being alone doesn’t mean I abhor company! Neither does it mean I can be called heartless or cold. In fact, one of the reasons I am writing this Is because I fear people pity that girl who sits alone at recess or is always by herself at lunch. The girl that works on the front desk without a partner or who does all her group assignments solo. I don’t want to be pitied. More so I don’t want people to think I am unhappy. That is just not true! I am the happiest girl in the world in my own little world and I wrote this blog because I want to share my happiness in any little way I can.

So perhaps after reading (If anyone does bother) you might find you know somewhat more about me. Justifications, for my abstract ways, the basis behind my personality.


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